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Hattiesburg psychologist Beverly Smallwood often gives presentations to healthcare groups such as her Magnetic Healthcare Leadership series. But she is perhaps better known for her seminars on resilience based on her new book, This Wasn’t Supposed to Happen to Me: 10 Make-or-Break Choices When Life Steals Your Dreams and Rocks Your World.

Smallwood’s book can do double duty for healthcare professionals, such as helping them cope with their own difficult life events. And it is a helpful resource that can be recommended to patients who are struggling with illness and the disruption that it brings to their lives.

“The fact that stress and emotions can both cause and exacerbate all kinds of illnesses is well documented,” Smallwood said. “The responses of both patients and families to the stress event of a health crisis directly affect their compliance with treatment, their relationship with their healthcare providers, and ultimately, the speed and completeness of their recovery.”

In her book, Smallwood discusses 10 major choices that people have after unexpected adversity hits. She helps readers understand that even when they cannot control their circumstances, they do have choices that make a huge difference in whether their circumstances will take them under or actually make them stronger.

“This knowledge could be life-changing for patients who feel overwhelmed, who feel like giving up or who just aren’t coping very well,” Smallwood said.

The first choice is denial versus reality. When the bombshell first hits, some denial is normal and healthy. After all, you just can’t take it in all at once. \

“However, some people stay in denial too long, and they handicap their ability to work on what they can,” she said. “They need to learn to face the facts and deal with them emotionally. They need to choose reality. Patients in denial of the facts of their illness, the impact of their own health-related practices and what they need to do now to help themselves will not have good outcomes.”

The second choice is between victimhood and responsibility. Victims complain more than they act. They blame others, host pity parties, and expect somebody else to fix it.
“You’ve probably met these ‘victim’ patients,” Smallwood said. “Their favorite words (other than ‘poor me’) are ‘Yes, but…’. The choice of responsibility means choosing every day to do all you can, with all you have, where you are right now.”

The third choice is “why” versus “how.” After you go through a tough life event, it’s natural to want some answers.

“You can easily get stuck in the ‘why’s,” Smallwood said. “A better question is ‘how?” How moves them into action. How can I use what I do have? How can I build the skills I need to function in this unfamiliar world? When your patients are focusing on how, they begin to take action. They begin to put the pieces of their lives back together, though perhaps in a different way.”

Doubt versus faith is the fourth choice. Tragedy has a way of testing one’s faith. After the dark days, faith will be altered. People either come to terms with the soul-shaking questions and their faith grows, or they become doubtful and cynical.

“No matter what your personal perspective on faith, the scientific research is clear: people of faith are healthier, both mentally and physically,” she said. “My book details the research that bears this out. People who have a meaningful faith to sustain them and who have the benefits of being in a supportive faith community have less pain, faster recovery times, and better overall health.”

Choice five is between bitterness and forgiveness. Some patients have “heart disease,” the disease of the heart with the symptoms of hardened bitterness, vengefulness, and chronic anger. These emotional habits exact a high toll on the immune system, physical heart health and many other illnesses. Smallwood said it’s important to realize the person who holds the grudge is harmed most.

The sixth choice is between guilt and self-forgiveness. It is often easier to forgive others than it is to forgive yourself. Many healthcare clients are eaten up with guilt for real or imagined wrongs.

“When it comes to forming healthy habits starting now, your patients need to be able to forgive themselves for their past mistakes, make the necessary changes and move on to create a healthier lifestyle,” Smallwood said.

Another choice is between isolation and connection. The presence of others can be comforting and healing, yet some people feel like isolating themselves at the time when they need support most. After a traumatic event, having people around can feel intrusive, irritating, and awkward. Choosing connection can decrease depression and distract people from their negative thoughts.”

Many people think when they are feeling deep sadness and exhaustion after a loss, they are depressed. Smallwood said it is important to understand the difference between sadness and exhaustion and clinical depression, and makes suggestions for how to avoid getting stuck in clinical depression while grieving.

“A critical element in all healing is hope,” Smallwood said. “Without it, depression reigns. Your patients will learn to hold onto the kind of hope that empowers them to persist, keep trying, and keep moving – no matter what.”

Avoidance versus courage is another choice. It takes courage to confront your fears and move back out into life after accident, illness, or death.

The tenth choice she details is powerlessness or purpose. That initial feeling of powerlessness that patients get when life-shattering events happen without their permission is almost inevitable.

“However, as they learn to make the right choices, they gradually regain control of their lives, their emotions and their health,” she said. “The health benefits of optimism and a sense of life purpose are well-documented in the literature. These are powerful catalysts for healing and growth. All of your experiences are preparing you for gaining a renewed sense of purpose, a reason for living, and an optimistic attitude.”

Smallwood’s new book is available at all major bookstores and online at Amazon.com. For more information on Smallwood’s work, see the Website, www.DrBevSmallwood.com.



April 2008

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